A Much Anticipated Point
Today I reached a point in my writing that I've been waiting for since I started writing the Fae Queen's Court. Like, this is the scene, the idea, that made me sit down and write the fateful words that turned into a 110k and a currently 93k manuscript.
It both excites me and fills me with dread, as such things do. There's a part me, even though I'm excited with what I've done, that worries I didn't do it right. I've built this scene up in my head for over three years. I've worried, plotted, and planned over what would happen and the thing that resulted is nothing like what I imagined.
But I can't help being satisfied with it.
It's not what imagined and not what I hoped, but honestly it's better than I could've imagined. I got to do a lot with it I couldn't have imagined when I sat down to write the eventually scrapped prologue to Haven. Things have happened to my main characters that altered the course and flow of the plot, and things happened to me as a writer that changed how it came to be. It's not what I imagined, but it's amazing all the same.
I can virtually guarantee that this scene won't stay the same, if only because only one scene can claim that in the whole approximately 200k of the series, but that's fine with me. I know that my works aren't perfect and that they'll need to change before I really get to the heart of what I intended with that scene. I know that there's a lot of room for me to get better.
And yet... there's a degree of joy reached when one gets to do something they've been waiting for and it lives up to its hype(even if not in the expected way) that no words can describe. I'm excited, happy, a little drunk(two beers in under two hours will do that when your BMI is roughly 18), and more satisfied then I can find words for. Because honestly? I'm not sure where to go from here. This was, when I started, the end point. The place I was shooting for and I'm blind once I go past this point.
There's a wild yearning, a desperate call of the void, to jump off this ledge and see where it lands me because I don't have any road maps. This world and ours is my oyster and I'm breaking it open to look for pearls.
This is a turning point for me as a writer. All my plot bombs are gone and I need to find the will to keep going when I don't have anything to look forward to. This is what will do more to determine whether I have the chops to keep going when I don't want, to work when I'd rather play video games or read, than everything I've done before.
But I'm looking forward to it. I've met my challenge, found the goalpost I set out for when I started this journey. It's been almost four years now. About time I did something new with my life (even if it's more of the same) don't you think?